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Monster High (Lexikon)!
Better have nine lives if ich catch you reading my diary.
July. Two. Five.Bearbeiten
Ooh they’re telling math jokes now…
Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
The math geeks ich bin stuck on this bus mit think that this is funny. So funny in fact, that the harpy sitting in front of me shoots milk out of her nose when sie hears the punch line. Ich don’t think it’s funny at all. I’d rather be listening to the music ich have stored on my iCoffin but two hours into our five-hour ride home my iCoffin gave up the ghost. It should have lasted the whole trip und then some except that one of my math camp roomies “accidentally” unplugged my iCoffin charger last night when sie plugged in her fright light. Ich don’t even know why a ghost needs a fright light. What? Was sie afraid sie would trip over something und go “bump in the night?” ich realized what happened when we woke up this morning but we had to leave first thing so ich didn’t have time to put a full charge on it. At least ich got enough battery life to block out the two hours dedicated to the singing of “X number Bottles of Ghoul Juice on the Wall.” To add to the misery the seats on this bus only have room for two monsters, und Meowlody und Purrsephone are of course sitting together which left me stuck in a seat next to a troll named Teala who had never been away from her bridge for more than a day until sie came to math camp. She cried herself to sleep every night. Not that any other monster but me noticed but then again ich notice everything. Ich also noticed that Teala wasn’t laughing at any of the math jokes either. In fact sie seemed to be more miserable than ich was. Well now, here ich was thinking sie was missing her bridge but if that were the case why didn’t sie seem excited about going home? “Dish,” ich said. She turned und looked at me for a moment und then stared back ahead. “Okay-suit yourself then,” ich said und then tried to curl up in the seat to take a cat nap which ich had almost accomplished when sie said; “My boyfriend broke up mit me…by text…the first night of math camp.” She still wasn’t looking at me but sie wasn’t crying either. “He was my first real boyfriend und…und ich don’t know why ich bin telling you this ‘cause you don’t seem to care about any other monster besides yourself und you’ll probably figure out a way to use this to make me even more miserable.” ich didn’t show it, but that really hurt. Just because ich enjoy the chaos that a good practical joke brings doesn’t mean that ich bin intentionally cruel does it? ich don’t think it does und besides; where’s the fun in kicking some monster when they’re already down? It’s a lot more fun to see the surprise on a monster’s face when they think they’ve got it all together und you can “help them” . So ich said, “Guess you better tell me the whole story then so ich can do a thorough job.” That actually brought a ghost of a smile to her face. Teala told me that her ex boyfriend was applying to colleges und that er decided er needed to keep his “options open” in case er might meet his “intellectual equal” at school. At first, ich didn’t believe er actually wrote that und then sie showed me the text. “Does er really think he’s that smart?” ich asked. She kind of shrugged und said, “He’s scary smart but not as good at math as ich am especially mit differential equations.” She told me er really wanted to get into this one school because his favourite mad scientist taught here. I’d never heard of the school but ich knew who the mad scientist was because Mr. Hack made uns watch a bunch of his videos in class. The videos were deadly boring but the mad scientist had this odd accent und strange speech pattern. Ich used to mimic his voice in class to make Mr. Hack jump. I’d wait until Mr. Hack’s back was turned und then scream, “Huhhacckkk- theeese stuuudannts reeelease youuu wuh-ill ah-yat wa-unce!” It cost me several days in detention und a trip to Headless Headmistress Bloodgood’s office the last time ich mimicked the mad scientist but even Mr. Hack admitted er couldn’t tell the difference between the scientist’s voice und my imitation of it. We talked about a few more things und then Teala finally fell asleep. Ich was able to finally fall sleep as well but not before having to hear another math joke followed by an explosion of milk from the seat in front of me.
July. Two. Eight.Bearbeiten
Ich went to MH today to pick up some pictures ich left in the FearBook office. When ich was done ich went up to the belfry. It’s a good place to keep an eye on things without other eyes watching you. It’s also a good place to take a nap. Usually the hunchback who rings the bells…the bells…works up there but er was on summer vacation in France or somewhere so ich had the place to myself; until Spectra came floating through that is. She thinks that she’s very stealthy but it’s almost impossible to sneak up on me und ich heard the rattle of her chains long before sie actually appeared. Ich pretended to be asleep for a moment then mit my eyes still closed ich said, “What do you want Spectra?” “Oh, hello Toralei. Did you hear the news?” Most monsters don’t trust anything they hear from Spectra. Ich know better. There’s always an element of truth in her “news”. You just need to know how to listen. Here’s an example; Spectra told me sie heard that Nefera is moving back to town und will be taking over for Ms. Kindergruber in Home Ick. Not only that but Ms. Kindergruber is also going to quit teaching to become a roadie for her favourite rock und roll band. Now as much fun as it is to imagine Ms. K. climbing stacks of amps while wearing a sleeveless leather vest, bandana und steel toed boots it’s not going to happen. Although when compared to the thought of Nefera actually “lowering herself” to teach, it’s practically a done deal Ms. K. will be hitting the road. ich bin pretty sure out of that confusing jumble of information the one true fact is that Nefera is moving back to town und probably sooner rather than later…now there’s a monster who enjoys kicking somebody when they are down.
July. Three. Zero.Bearbeiten
Got an email today from Teala, the troll girl ich sat mit on the ride home from math camp. Apparently her ex boyfriend told her that er got a call from the mad scientist er wanted to study under. The scientist told her ex that his test scores indicated a “skuhh-ill weeeakness in diffuhh-wrenntial eeeequay-shunns” und that her ex should find some monster that was intellectually superior und “geeet sah-ummm tuutorr-ing.” Her ex was certain it was the professor since “no monster could fake that voice.” Er also apologized to Teala for being an arrogant jerk und asked if sie would tutor him in differential equations. Teala told him that sie would have to check her schedule. Sometimes it is just purrrecious the way things work out for the beast.
August. One. Three.Bearbeiten
Ich bought a ball of dragon thread today for Sweet Fangs. It’s just about the only material that’s strong enough to survive more than one play session mit her. Ich don’t know what ich bin going to do when Sweet Fangs gets bigger because ich bin probably going to need the whole dragon und ich bin not sure mom und dad are going to be good mit that.
August. Two. Five.Bearbeiten
M&P came over today. They’re like my sisters und ich can’t imagine how boring unlife would be without them. We do just about everything together und some monsters even think we’re related but we’re not. Not that it matters since we don’t really care what other monsters think anyway. We are who we are und any monster or monsters that want to try und herd uns better get ready for a long miserable day. Today we weren’t worried about being herded, today was a brainstorm session. Our mission, repay Cleo de Nile und her minions for not only ruining our perfectly planned graduation prank but also for taking away part of our valuable summer vacation by “arranging” our trip to math camp. Knowing that it was Cleo who got the better of uns is almost as irritating as being wet or having my fur stroked the wrong way. Ich can’t believe that ich actually helped her when sie wanted to be a part of the fear squad. Cleo didn’t even know how to do a cartwheel, much less a round off. So ich took her under my claw und taught her everything ich knew und since I’d been doing gymnastics from the time ich was a kitten ich knew a lot. Ich finally got Cleo to the point where sie started to “get it” und instead of being a liability sie started contributing. Ich figured that for all my hard work und leadership Nefera would make me the fear squad captain when sie graduated. Only sie didn’t-sie passed it to Cleo. Ich can still remember what sie said to me when ich confronted her about it. “I didn’t want Cleo to succeed-ich wanted her to be humiliated but since you helped her, you get to deal mit the consequences.” Then Cleo acted as if sie deserved to be the captain und that sie automatically knew everything there was to know about leading the fear squad. She should have showed some humility und stepped aside. She didn’t so now it’s up to me to teach her some new lessons und ich can’t wait for class to be back in session.
August. Three. One.Bearbeiten
There’s a meteor shower tonight, which will give uns the purrrfect opportunity to practice the three D’s. Divert. Design. Demure. First ich divert attention away from myself- although tonight the meteor shower should do that for me, next ich design a “surprise” for my intended
victim student und then after the unexpected happens ich demure - “Oh my, what happened here?” More later…
Ended up scrapping the three D’s tonight, mostly because the meteor shower diverted me. Ich was supposed to meet M&P at this coffee shop down close to the beach-it’s the only time ich go to the beach since sand + water + fur = unhappy werecat - but they were late so ich grabbed a catnipuccino und waited. The owner turned down the lights of the shop so it was almost dark und then the sky was falling. The ghouls showed up just as somewhere down the beach a monster started playing guitar und ich said, “Just because we’ve got nine lives doesn’t mean we need to rush through this one.” And we didn't.